@VodkaTiem: Relationship status: The pizza is late and I'm worried
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@Mr_Kapowski: "Will you marry me?" "The cookie was poison" "The lotto numbers will never win" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies
@burntmybagel: Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the cops or people who don't enjoy life.
@FlyJ_: [Gives husband a list for groceries] He brings home 1/2 of what's on the list and someone else's kid.
@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.