@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
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@markydoodoo: I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
@MatCro: [doctor's] INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc? DR: Your tests are all clear IM: Is that good? DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I'm not sure