@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
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@AdamBroud: [Truth or Dare] Her: What's your biggest secret? Salazar Slytherin: *sweating* No secrets here haha. Definitely not a chamber full of 'em
@david8hughes: Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. Unless you have a job where the reward is, for example, getting paid.
@jwoodham: A horse-drawn carriage sounds really romantic until you realize horses can't even hold a pen and the carriage just looks like a scribble.