@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
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@iAmDelFreaky: Some hipsters were camping next to me and asked for help starting a fire. So, I chased one around until his corduroys burst into flames.
@OutrageousM: "What's a good gift for someone who has everything?" Meth. Next year they'll have nothing it'll be easier.
@TitansHomer: Me: what are we doing today Trainer: let work on your forearms. Me: but I only have 2 T: What?!? Me: *whispers* I only have 2?
@HomeProbably: Everyone buries their problems in different ways. I bury them alive because killing people is wrong.