@Breadery: Relationships are about compromise. I pretend she's not watching a Gossip Girl boxset. She pretends I'm not digging her grave in the garden.
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@10InchesPlus: The hoodie & shorts combo outfit, because you almost understand how body heat works.
@GrantTanaka: [son sees me sleeping outside] son: did you call mom the n word again me: but she IS a nagger
@somecleverthing: Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one.
@Brampersandon_: PREACHER: any prayer requests? 3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread