@gerryhatric: Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rolldiggity: I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day, but why aren't they good enough for a holiday meal?
@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"
@stephenjmolloy: Mafia boss: "So, did you do it? Is he dead?" Me, suddenly realising what it means to 'take somebody out': "Oh, err..."
@mjohnny3: On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.