@dumbbeezie: Relationships are like houseplants, if they're mine they die
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@BigBagOfScum: My friend was like "hey bring some cd's to listen to on the trip" and I was like "where are we going, 2001?"
@Reverend_Scott: Dr: He has a lot of blockage "So my Dad has a bad heart?" Dr: He also donates to charity "So he has a good heart?" Dr: Ya, it evens out
@myles_morrison: Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets.
@t0shiba: I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?