@Token_Geezer: Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too
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@shegotagronk: If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy.
@RuthePhoenix: Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
@notalogin: Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this.