@JennyJohnsonHi5: Relax, folks. The dentist apologized for killing #CecilTheLion after he found out Cecil was famous. He meant to murder a NON-famous lion.
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@BGH70: I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me.
@drinksmcgee: Knuckle Tats (I) (H)(A)(V)(E) (W)(A)(Y) (T)(O)(O) (M)(A)(N)(Y) (F)(I)(N)(G)(E)(R)(S)
@TylerLinkin: Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle. It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish & her half of the bill was $40 dollars.
@darrinfb: Ok America. You've made us chuckle with this whole Trump 2016 thing. But if we see Kanye 2020 happen... No. More. SYRUP. Love, Canada