@JennyJohnsonHi5: Relax, folks. The dentist apologized for killing #CecilTheLion after he found out Cecil was famous. He meant to murder a NON-famous lion.
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@pharmasean: Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels
@illiter8too: ME: I call bullshit getting kicked out of IHOP bc my anxiety falcon isn't tethered; that pug's not leashed. HOST: Ma'am, that's a toddler.
@MatCro: [emergency] [super hero appears] GUY: It's Doesn't-Understand-Rhetorical-Questions Man. Boy, am I glad to see you! HERO: I...I don't know