@BlakWidowBarbee: Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours.
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@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on." It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*
@GrowlyGrego: *breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?