@WeissBrandon: Relax white people, black people have the "N" word. But we still have words like "Yacht", and sayings like "thanks for the warning officer".
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@Douchekevin: The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook. And in my bed And on my couch And in my car And when I was at work
@tacos_y_cerveza: If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the $20
@IamEveryDayPpl: I'm sorry I whispered "a weem a way" over and over during your jungle safari slide show...
@jergarl: Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous.