@weinerdog4life: *releases frozen turkey back into the ocean
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@ilovepie84: Tattoos tell a story, like tribal tattoos tell a story of a guy that wears sunglasses indoors.
@AimeeHelene1: Him: *looking at 6 empty paper towel rolls, maple syrup, spoons, and a tennis racket on the floor* What happened?! Me: There was a spider.
@WilliamAder: If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.