@TheCatWhisprer: Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: It's not often that a single guy like me gets a home cooked meal. Her: Why don't you get married? Me: I've never been that hungry.
@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
@TheToddWilliams: [China] "You have to get good grades" KID: But it's so hard! "We're Can-tonese not Cant-tonese" KID: You gotta admit that's a bit confusing