@kelkulus: Religion: because reading one book is a lot easier than a whole bunch of hard ones.
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@LostFelicia: I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head
@d_duhwit: Possum man Possum man Does the 1 thing a possum can Trouble looms Over head He gets scared And plays dead Look out it's just the possum man
@1evilidiot: [couples therapy] "Have you tried sexy lingerie?" me: yeah but it just creeps her out.
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors