@Bob_Lesh: Religious rituals and prayers sound really creepy when you replace "Jesus" with "Jeff"
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@kingstonstreet: The pen is mightier than the sword. Unless you have like three followers then go with the sword
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@SteveKoehler22: Single and divorced men in their 40's prefer women at their own maturity level. That explains why they date women half their age.