@jessienope: religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay
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@TeaPainUSA: Mike Huckabee calls Obama a "pretend Christian", and if anyone's an expert on "pretend Christians", it's Mike Huckabee.
@TheTweetOfGod: Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems
@XLToast: Help! Has anybody seen a little boy with a corndog? Stranger: He's over there! Oh thank God! [steals little boy's corndog and runs away]
@MartaEffing: Her: omg, I'm SO happy for you! Me: *shaking head* No, no, no... I said I got 'enraged', today. Not 'engaged'.