@jessienope: religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay
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@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH
@SteveSuckington: Eat shit dude! No seriously, it's good for your eyes. You've never seen a dog with glasses have you?
@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.
@DillDoes: *secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* "WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA" *spits* I'd rather die