@jessienope: religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay
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@_NinJar: I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib
@TheMichaelRock: Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food.
@Moldy_Jellybean: I haven't had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
@mewritesgood: I bought my nephew a drum set because: A) I'm an awesome uncle B) Learning to play an instrument is important C) I hate my sister