@TechnicallyRon: Remember at school when you would press 'demo' on the electric piano and pretend you were really playing it? That's what adulthood is.
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Restaurant] Waiter: Compliments of the chef. *He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words 'You're beautiful' pour out*
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card
@SexySillyGrl: Your honor, I second that motion Judge: Ma'am, I'm simply reading your husband's request to be cremated