@robyn_vo: Remember being a kid and writing "FiretrUCK" everywhere, thinking your parents wouldn't get it? My dad just figured it out and spanked me :(
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@ibid78: [sees girl reading The Bible] "Ah I love that book. The way they just *clenches fist* buy all those frickin bulls."
@MsCassieDaniels: Disease doesn't care if you are a celebrity, Micheal J. Fox has battled Parkinson for 22 years, and Jamie Lee Curtis is super irregular!
@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
@LackOfShame: Boss: Just spend the company's money with the same discretion as you would your own. Me: I understand. *bankrupts the company