@Aspersioncast: Remember how much you used to like this song?- Car ads.
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@Home_Halfway: A family of ducks walks into a church. "Hi, yes, umm...I hear you have a man who turned his body into bread?" The father asks timidly.
@NonCombosMentos: *incoming text* "hey bud can I crash at ur place" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
@AdamOfEarth: [Heart: Tell her her eyes are windows into eternity, filled with fire... Brain: Beacons, stars in a vast darkness] Mouth: HEY GREAT EYEBALLS