@meganamram: Remember: if you see a tie on my doorknob, it means I'm taking the door to prom
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@EndhooS: [Looking at ultrasound monitor with my wife] Wife: Look at it's little heart beating! Isn't it amazing... Me: It looks like a crossiant
@jimmytorosian: [Robbery] Sloth Man: I'll use my powers to make the criminals fall asleep. *Runs to bank* *Reaches bank 18 hrs later* SM: How'd they escape?
@OddMarc: If you don't walk sideways chanting 'crab people' when holding tongs, we can't be friends.