@meganamram: Remember: if you see a tie on my doorknob, it means I'm taking the door to prom
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@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
@Jake_Vig: ME: I can understand why, it's so silky and luxurious. THEM: Huh? I said I worship Satan. ME: Oh. I thought you said "satin."
@meganamram: Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies