@heymonroe: Remember in 90's movies when the hot girl would enter a party in slow motion? That's what happens when I walk in a buffet.
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@heatherlou_: I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me.
@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@trevso_electric: Remember: tomorrow is TOPLESS TUESDAY no matter what human resources tells you.
@Brentweets: "In case of emergency break glass" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag.