@FatherWithTwins: Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day.
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@iAmJuddy: Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*
@carlyken: I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza. I've narrowed it down to: Pizza Farmer Pizza Hunter Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: we wave at each other just about every morning but I always seem to forget your name…it's Gary, right? NEIGHBOR: Deborah
@leechee420: How do I tell a guy that I'm only interested in him because I'd like to take selfies with his puppy?