@FatherWithTwins: Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day.
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@wittwitbarista: My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely.
@theBigMvee: Kid 1 swallows coin: rush to ER Kid 2 swallows coin: wait for it to pass Kid 3 swallows coin: deduct from their allowance
@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@MonSwanson: I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend "because I'm such a pretty girl". I'm a psycho, grandma.