@FatherWithTwins: Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day.
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@foodfacenow: Me: I can't seem to lose weight CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean
@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit.
@WilliamAder: If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
@GetCougarized: The best things in life are free. Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance.