@FatherWithTwins: Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day.
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@krisv_723: Him: I just got stung. I'm allergic. Grab me my EpiPen. Me: Do you know how much those cost? Have a Benadryl.
@captaincoximus: When asked my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said "maybe she went black" and now I don't have to help with homework
@HatfieldAnne: Needed one cotton ball. Two were left. Took both so one wouldn’t feel lonely. I also have strong feelings about the last two pudding cups.
@ShoutingGoddess: I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.