@jordan_stratton: Remember, kids: Never get in cars with strangers unless you've used an app to select a specific stranger to drive you around in their car
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@AphroditeAfter5: Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
@SamuelHLowe: - If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@YikYakApp: "Someone offered me grapes, but I declined . I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form." — University of Chicago