@extranapkins: Remember "pantsing" people in high school... sneaking up behind one of your bros and slipping an extra pair of pants on over his pants
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@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@TheWoodenslurpy: I'd like to meet a failed scientist, like I do writers. "I science on the weekends and for free sometimes. I think of it more as a hobby."
@DWaitress: You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account.