@TheAlexNevil: Remember, parents: your children look to you for guidance. Kids are dumb like that.
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@gorrdano: I'm always ready with my mallet when sewer workers poke their head up from under a manhole.
@gojarbe: [on a date] me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog? her: uhh Clifford, i guess me: wow we have a lot in common
@wendchymes: Apparently you can't just drop your ex off at the morgue just cause they are dead to you.
@NJPsychDoc: My therapist says that to be happy in marriage, never go to sleep mad at each other. Been mad at my wife 2 months straight cause of insomnia