@SaraESpivey: Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. "Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."
@Just_Lee_: The world is full of terrible people, but there's none so evil as the man who fries bacon right next door to the gym.
@dadofbieber: Daughter 1: Dad, I'm lesbian. Daughter 2: Me too dad. Dad: Doesn't anyone like guys here? Son: I do?.