@SaraESpivey: Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
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@HouseWithDoors: *playing poker* *my opponent smirks* "All in." he says. *pair of aces* *I smile* *throws down a pair of Olsen twins* "Full House."
@markleggett: HOBBIES INCLUDE: - Whispering dark secrets to animals - Trying to get a strawberry seed out of my teeth - Being vegan, but also eating steak
@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.
@thejamietighe: *turns off life support* *waits* *turns it back on* Me: How's she now? Him: Are you sure you're a doctor? Me: Doct... No, I'm from IT.