@SaraESpivey: Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
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@animadvertguy: LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th? ME: alibi school LAWYER: can u prove this? ME: wait, the 13th? LAWYER: ya ME: k no I was murdering that day
@iGreenMonk: There is a new app. that tells you how smarter your dog is. Here's how it works :- If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than you.
@realbjdunne: [restaurant] waiter: can i bring you a drink menu? me: *looking angrily at my wife Menu* how does this guy know you