@jordan_stratton: Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.
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@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
@ceejoyner: Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.