@jannable9: Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
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@Black__Elvis: For years I thought that my wife was repulsed by me but as it turns out she just doesn't put out on the first marriage.
@Token_Geezer: It’s not fair how teenagers today can avoid social interaction with family by staring at their phones I had to show my contempt by grunting
@ChipKellysBalls: To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find ...
@BAnderson_30: Good thing Brazil won...otherwise I'm pretty sure they would've just cancelled the rest of the World Cup.