@FatherWithTwins: Remember: whatever fun game you invent for your kids, you're going to have to play it 10,000 times
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@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, I don't feel good." "Do you want to go see the doctor?" "Yeah." "Are you gonna throw up?" "Maybe." "OK. We'll take your mom's car."
@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."
@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone