@elisemarie91: Remember when parents said "I'll give you something to cry about" & were scared they'd hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?
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@rickolantern: Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.
@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@_NinJar: I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib