@elisemarie91: Remember when parents said "I'll give you something to cry about" & were scared they'd hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?
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@Birdhumms: Why is it when someone asks if you've lost weight you immediately feel like eating a dozen donuts to celebrate.
@MelvinofYork: If my wife calls me passive-aggressive one more time I swear to God I'm going to run the dishwasher half-empty again
@karlainvt: Speed Dating Tell me something about yourself I have 3 cats What do u do for fun I have 3 cats What are you most proud about I have 3 Next
@SingleVixxen: If I ask you how your weekend was, don't reply with "not long enough." Don't be that guy. I will reply with "that's what she said."