@djr_102: Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder.

@hg47: On Average, ovulating women prefer rugged & masculine men. Menstruating women prefer men duct-taped and on fire.

@Pirate_nurse: Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked

@_sinistroll: ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?

@SteveSuckington: Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.