@juliacomedy: remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
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@murrman5: [robber waving gun around in bank] nobody move a muscle [me making eye contact with him then to the popsicle in my hand then back to him]
@rocknthepurple: I just wish I had someone who wanted to touch me as much as my shower curtain does.
@Ideal_Victoria: A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room.
@Eightinchgoat: Some dude just asked if I was "herb friendly". I told him I like basil and dill and he walked off. Guess he didn't have thyme to discuss it.