@Breadery: Remember when you were small & all you wanted was a pony but your parents were high on meth & thought the house was already full of ponies?
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@Deurb1: I remember a friend asking me why I had a bottle of wine in my car, I said I got it for my wife... He said good trade...
@Dutch_50: I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shit up.
@CourtneyBale: Guy Who Invented Figurative Speech: I've got something that'll blow your minds. Townspeople: *fleeing in abject terror*