@_davidsc: Rememeber when Uruguay fans got angry at Paul Dummett for injuring Suarez & then used Google Translate to insult him
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@stephenjmolloy: Teacher: Your daughter is doing so well at school we'd like to move her forward a year. Me: *whispering* oh my god they invented time travel.
@TheTweetOfGod: The Apple Watch may become so addictive it keeps people from looking at what's truly important in life, like their iPhones.
@KateWhineHall: 7yo: You count to 20 and I'll hide. Me: Ok. [Starts counting.] [Goes downstairs to drink coffee and eat cookies.]