@robdelaney: Reminder: Please just hit the "RT" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art.
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@awkwardlyours: There should be a safe word for small talk: "So how about this weather we're hav -" "RUTABAGA! GOD DAMN IT JIM, RUTABAGA."
@mamatomy3: My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He's told every other person on earth and I didn't want y'all to be out of the loop.
@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.