@robwhisman: reminder: the best way to say benedict cumberbatch is to the tune of photograph by nickelback
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@NouRahif: "Axe" is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.
@stephenjmolloy: [Pharmacy] Me: I need 50 packets of condoms Pharmacist: Somebody has a busy weekend! *I wink* *cut to me making raincoats for my pet snakes*
@pinupteacher: Two praying mantis' sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I Oh shit, did you see that? Daaaamn. She straight up ate him.
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife thought it would be cute to take a shower with our toddler and now there's poop in the tub and everyone is screaming.