@RealCarlHardt: Reminder to any new followers...Ancestry.com is NOT a dating site...lesson learned...like 4 times.
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@GingerHotDish: [police interrogation room] Officer: you've been identified as the runner who.. Me: Let me stop you right there.
@ABurgerADay: What idiot called it the road to Bethlehem instead of the highway to the manger zone?
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny.