@BasicLyes: Remote start, keyless entry, feature allows me the privilege of losing my keys- while I'm driving.
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@TheHatdog: *gets handed a Mario Kart controller at a party* I don't know guys, I've never done this before. *straps on monogrammed driving gloves*
@pregnant_cat: [casting call] -have u acted before? *shows VHS of me at a food court eating free samples like I might purchase the meal -oh this guys good
@WilliamAder: Went to the store without my dentures because what are the odds Scarlett Johansson and I would be reaching for the same box of fish sticks?
@maughammom: Me: "Want a banana?" 3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."