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@sunexplode: Remove dead skin by hurling yourself into an active volcano.
@bencoffeehall: I'm working on my second million, since I failed so much at the first.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!"
Kate: "I'm pregnant?!"
Doctor: "No. You have a tapeworm."
@just1fool: *Drives by train wreck*
Train wreck:"I have a boyfriend."
@Tmoney68: Apparently, it's "bad manners" to stare at a female coworker for 30 seconds, then ask if she's self-conscious about her hair.
@CheetoBandito77: *turns on shower*
*checks TL real quick*
*floods the entire neighborhood*