@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
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@Tmoney68: Have manufacturers of picket fences ever gone on strike? Because the irony would be awesome. Take your time, I'll wait.
@causticbob: It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it.
@mydanimarie: DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point