@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
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@ImJESSPlayin: Maybe, "only if you're taking me to dinner" wasn't the best response to, "is this going down?" to the guy on the elevator. Flirting is hard
@ddsmidt: When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text.
@TheBoydP: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.