@thentherewasmo: Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it's going to be stuck that way forever
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@FeverFlave: I once lip locked the soft ice dispenser at Dairy Queen until the manager had to hit me with a mop. So I know a little bit about rejection.
@TheChrisAngel: By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks.
@stuckinaportal: god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi
@seanscrap: Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine.