@itchyturtle: Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend.
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@xoCAMILLAxo: I bought a toilet brush at the store the other day but it kind of hurts so I think I'll go back to paper!
@PJTLynch: Ladies: To see how a guy is in bed, watch him put on a shoe. Does he just cram his foot in? Or does he lick the shoe fully then gently enter
@Lakelandr: There's never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
@SortaBad: I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth