@shutupmikeginn: Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, the pH level of a pineapple can not sustain life.
@MattMcElaney: Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
@behindyourback: 11:30pm is the time each night when I ask myself the ancient question of the universe: what if I just ate everything
@CornOnTheGoblin: We have to operate now if the cancer spreads anymore you won't be able to tell the difference between people & food "Are you nuts?" Dear God