@shutupmikeginn: Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates.
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@LosLos__: And then God said: Let women have infallible memory. But technology said: And screenshots, just in casies.
@Ristolable: ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT
@MythicPicnic: Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out....
@TragicAllyHere: Please. Do not push me into the pool. The pockets of my cargo shorts are filled with packets of Kraft Mac & Cheese powder.