@shutupmikeginn: Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates.
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@greg_vee: If I'd know I only had 4 decent tweets in me when I started, I'd have spread them out a little more.
@Jennarater: Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.
@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
@pattymo: BREAKING: ISIS just announced that they’re gonna stop doing Sharia. Thank you to the 40 people who went to the March Against Sharia