@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
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@Rlpihl: First guy to invent a bread bowl was like "I'm gonna rip the top of this muffin & pour soup in it"
@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.
@Social_Mime: An older couple saw me open my wife's car door for her and came over to compliment me. Moral of the story: old people are nosy.
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: I'm far less concerned with who let it out, and more curious as to why the cat was in the bag in the first place?