@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
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@AlexvanBeek: It's 2035: By law, all burglar alarms are fitted with projectors so burglars are distracted by dancing Tupac holograms until police arrive.
@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
@joejwest: ME: I think we're being followed DATE: Really? M: [checks rear-view mirror] Yep D: Wait you carry that around with you? M: Just keep walking
@Tw1tter_K1tten: They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.