@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
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@davedittell: if the waitress at this brunch doesn't give me the Mother's Day special then I shaved my legs and stole this baby for nothing
@VancityReynolds: The pen is mightier than the sword. Also, parking a car in someone's living room sends a pretty damn clear message too.
@omically: [dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?