@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
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@thatUPSdude: Her: You didn't come to my Halloween party! Me: Yes I did Her: No, what were you? Me: A ninja Her: I didn't see you Me: Like I said "ninja"
@krisv_723: I was arrested last Halloween. Apparently it's illegal to chase someone yelling, Touch me! Even if they are dressed as the Grim Reaper.
@NewDadNotes: Me: how do you say yes in French? Wife: oui. Me: Wife: Me: how do we say yes in French?
@NoFlipFlops: Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled.