@rickolantern: *replaces cream in doughnuts with mayo, tries not to laugh as Frank from accounting eats one...watches, waits, frowns as Frank goes for 2nd
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@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Your resume says you're paranoid." Me: "My resume has been talking behind my back?"
@3sunzzz: If your name is Candy you shouldn't be allowed to work at a weight loss clinic. It just seems cruel.
@vikkaroni: My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
@ddsmidt: When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text.