@majesticminge: *replies to all sexy dms with pics of my laundry pile
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@TheCatWhisprer: Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts
@blaha_Who: My gf thought it was so cute when she found out I owned a pair of tap shoes Until I got drunk, and put them on
@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.