@majesticminge: *replies to all sexy dms with pics of my laundry pile
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@VeganZebra: [Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help
@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.
@MableGertrude: Friend: It looks like you're packing to go on an extended vacation. Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii? Me: No, this is just my lunch.