@markleggett: Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.
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@Kryzazy: I thought I saw a spider on the floor...Turns out it was a paper clip. It's dead now. No need to panic.
@pbear79: [first date] Her: I like a guy who knows what he wants Me: I'm going to get the bacon cheeseburger Her: Me: Is that not what you meant?
@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.