@markleggett: Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.
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@One_FineMess: My pup has now chewed up 4 welcome mats and I'm beginning to think she's more antisocial than I am.
@Mr_Kapowski: If I was a villain, my weapon would be a fan and a bag of eyelashes for blinding superheroes I'm a villain, don't ask how I get my weapons
@HenpeckedHal: My brother just found out he's having another kid. He's playing it pretty cool, but let's see how his wife reacts when she finds out.