@ChaseMit: Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years
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@inojperez: "It's our third date and you still wear that shirt?" Honey, this all they have in prison.
@danielmarven: My GF found lipstick in my pocket, I admitted I'm cheating... I don't want her to know I'm selling AVON.. I want to eat my money in peace
@ibid78: I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery.
@PhoenixRises69: Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn't 'funny' and is technically 'wasting' police time :(