@ChaseMit: Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years
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@IamEnidColeslaw: RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT
@LindaInDisguise: Me: We do *not* spit on our classmates! 5YO: Well, who DO we spit on, then? I miss the funny stuff my kids said when they were little.
@AndyAsAdjective: I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
@jergarl: My 7yo has a friend over and I'm pretty sure he learned how to whisper during a hurricane.