@rationalists: Republicans say they're not satisfied with Michele Obama's speech because she didn't give it from her kitchen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AK_Holica: Does anyone else's belt turn into a Rubik's cube when they have to piss like a racehorse?
@Brampersandon_: How did the date go? -Not good. Aww what went wrong? -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.
@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"