@pleatedjeans: *requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*
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@ThisOneSayz: Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear
@JermHimselfish: I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.
@tastefactory: Girl, did it hurt...when you fell from heaven? *smooshed girl bobs away making accordion sounds*