@OhNoSheTwitnt: "I mean if you do the math the most weight I can really gain from the pound of pumpkin pie I ate tonight is only one pound" I thought fatly.

@shariv67: "You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?" "Yeah. Why is that?" "There are more birds on that side."

@theDanLawler: I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.

@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.

@KyleMcDowell86: [WOLF CUB] Dad, why do we howl at the moon? [WOLF DAD] Well son, the moon is made of cheese and that's rad as hell