@measday519: Research says that if you're afraid of spiders, you're most likely to find them in your bedroom. I'm afraid of men with accents so...
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@fro_vo: [cruise] Me: boats freak me out Wife: listen to some music M: how W: there’s a band on ship M: a what W: a band on ship M: *jumps overboard*
@Rollmaninoz: [date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct
@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.