@iQuoteComedy: Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.
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@SouthernStylin1: 9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it!
@GirrlGenius: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
@protolalia: "Sorry, that was my bad." "Your bad what?" "No. I'm just sayin': Sorry. My bad." "You're bad at completing an apologetic sentence?" "Yeah"