@iQuoteComedy: Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.
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@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@shutupmikeginn: You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea
@eyeswidebutt: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I would like to invite you to play Candy Crush.